Monday, May 16, 2011

Advice & Lessons from My Mother

     Unlike other mothers, my own mother never gave us composed advice like “To your own self be true.” There were no calm and collected words of wisdom like “Be the captain of your own life and ship.”

     My mom did give some advice similar to other mothers’ like, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about” and “Wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.” There was also the common, “If you keep frowning like that, the crease between your eyes will stay that way.” (This, by the way, turned out to be true.) 

      I think she might have been the one who came up with the Mom-ism "I am not your jeans! I was not put on this earth to cover your butt!" She just had a nicer way of saying it.

     Mom did teach us many valuable lessons. For example, she taught us how to make quick executive decisions. 

     As a newly-wedded wife, my sister was having a serious conversation with Mom about finances. 

     My brother-in-law had told her to ask herself “Do I really need this?” three times before buying something.

     Mom’s advice was given without hesitancy. “Well, that’s easy!” said Mom without wavering. 

Yes, Yes, Yes!”

     Mom also taught us to be industrious and to not worry about a goof-up here and there.  Mom wisely encouraged us to do something, even if it meant we’d make a mistake or two along the way. If I got in a tizzy because I had dripped paint on the floor, she’d reassure me that I had gotten the room painted. 

     “If you don’t do anything, you won’t do anything wrong,” she’d say. “It’s better to get up off of the couch and do something, knowing you’ll make a mistake, than not do anything at all.” 

     My dad’s sarcastic response to this was classic. “My, woman, you’ve sure been busy today!”

     Mom also taught us to not lie and lived this to perfection. 

     As an example, Mom would buy a new outfit and keep it in the closet for a several weeks. Then when my dad would ask, “Is that a new dress?” she could honestly answer.

     “Oh, no-o-o-o. I’ve had it for months,” she’d reply. 

     She’d also share her honesty in statements like, “We’ve been married 15 happy years. Not bad out of 30.”

     Our mother taught us about justice, too.

     To make sure we didn’t swear like a sailor (or my father), we would get a bar or squirt of liquid soap in our mouths for using bad language.  Chores were to be done when she said so. “Orders from Headquarters,” she’d say. 

     And, I did get a spanking every week for giggling in church. Never mind the fact that she now giggles inappropriately every single week while in the same congregation.

     Mom also taught us humility.  The four of us kids were somewhat athletic, and will never forget the time Mom agreed to stand at home plate and bat with the four of us in the outfield. “This should be funny,” we all thought to ourselves. Mom hit the first pitch down the driveway and made her way easily around the bases for a homerun. She walked back into the house, never to bat again. And we never again questioned her athletic ability.

     Mom also taught us about the aging process.  “Take your picture in a bikini while you’re still young, because when you get my age you’ll look darn good,” she’d quip. Go figure. She was right again.

     She also taught us appropriate fear. Of course, there was the vacation to the Black Hills when, while standing at the top of a hill taking a picture, she heard a rattle snake and came leaping down in leaps and bounds.   But even more so was her “birds and the bees” talk. It was none of this politically-correct “practice safe sex.” She would just scare the bejeebies out of us and say, “Think about bringing a baby home to your father.” That still makes me shiver, 25 years of marriage and three kids later.

     We, as children, did not make her life one of smooth sailing. She had many reasons to say, “I love giving homemade gifts; which one of my kids would you like?” But she never did. 

     Perhaps the lesson that Mom taught us the most was to have a sense of humor.       One of the cards she treasured the most was one that my brother made her while in elementary school. He had to make it in class, and I’m sure the teacher had no idea what it said. 

     “Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet…” it beautifully said on the outside. And, on the inside was a scribbled… “BUT YOU’RE NOT” (with a picture of a face with the tongue sticking out.)

     We love you, Mom. Thanks for teaching us how to make quick decisions, be industrious, be honest, be law-abiding, have appropriate fear, have humor, and to love everyone unconditionally.  In other words, thanks for not giving my brother, Keith, away.